~Ways To Secure Your Home~

Back...today my mother told me that some 7 year old kid got kidnap near my neighborhood...i wonder what their gonna do to him...*thinking*....yea so whatever...i was wondering how to secure the house when no ones at home...(so that idiots wont break in no matter how hard they try. They'll probably give up anyways)...okay here are the ways to secure your home...

Ways To Secure Your Home

1. lock everything thing in your house etc...doors,windows,toilet windows,toilet bowls..
and after you lock every damn thing...you swallow the keys...(don't worry,when you shit it'll
come out and that's when you can enter your home. WARNING: never keep spare keys).

2. Keep a pair of Pitt Bulls(killer dogs)in your front porch.Train it to not eat food from other
people...and a anaconda in your home...(if anything happens to you just call 911)...

3. install a thumb scanner,eye scanner,palm scanner,toe scanner,hair scanner,"private parts"
scanner,nose scanner...and a code lock...at lest make your code 90 numbers long...(if
anything should break down...use someones head to break in).

4. install machine guns aiming at your doors,windows,toilet windows,toilet bowls...(if you get
shot...that ain't a problem,just take it like a man).

5.Hire 60 soldiers to protect your house...(make sure they their good looking)...


that's about it for securing your house in case of break in's....lol....and you have been warned...