~LiTtLe JoHnNy'S bAcK~

okay...her are the little johnny storys^^...and once again....i didn't write the stories...7 to 12...

Story 7:Big Words

Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to pick out some big words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to go first?"

"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not OK to go outside and play. Then he went out to play"

"Very Good Jenny!"

Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his hands. "Yes Johnny" "I have a big one!" He exclaimed.

Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go ahead Johnny" she says.

"Harassment!" says Little Johnny, "Her mouth said no, but harassment yes!"


Story 8: Home Early

Little Johnny burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised that Johnny was home so early, his mother asked, "Why are you home from school so early?"

Johnny answered, "I was the only one who could answer a question."

"Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked.

"Who threw the eraser at the teacher?"


Story 9: True Love

Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad' he sighed.

'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow job I've ever had.'

'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it is just lust.

' The next night Little Johnny came in after his date, and sat down again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love, dad.' he said.

'What makes you think that it is true love this time?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the best blow job of my life, then let me take her up the ass!'

'That's not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation.'

'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?' asked Little Johnny, confused.

'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true love, she would let you f*ck her up the ass first, then give you the best blow job of your life!'


Story 10: Cheats

Little Johnny to Billy, "You know, Jane Smith cheats!"

"Why do you say that?" asked Billy.

"Well she said she'd show me hers if I showed her mine - but it turns out she hasn't got one!" exclaimed Little Johnny.

Story 11: Empty Stomach

Tell me something," asked Freddie, "how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach, Little Johnny?"

Little Johnny scratched his lizard pecker head and said, "Well, five, I think."

"Wrong," said Jon. "You can only eat just one. After that, your stomach isn't empty any more! Gotcha!"

Little Johnny was impressed so he decided to pull the joke on his sister, Judi, when he got home.

"Hey, Sis, how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?"

Judi thought for a minute or two (it takes awhile to get those two brain cells to fire together) and said, "Two."

Little Johnny was dejected. "Aw, if you'd said *five* I had a great joke for you!"


Story 12: Hair

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning.

He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?"

"He thinks a lot, dear" replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness.

"Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.
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thats it again....lawl...

~BoRiNg HoLiDaYs~

*yawn*...okay the holiday are actually boring....but i manage to get through lol...hanging wth friends and (so on)...but somthing made me wright here...and its................................ITS LITTLE JOHNNY lol(i didn't make the story of little johnny, i found the story)....and u must think dirty to understand the story of "Little Johnny"...here's story 1 to 6....have fun...and maybe not all the story are dirty^^...just some....

Story 1: Strange Man

Little Johnny ran out to a field his Pa was plowing to report, "there's a strange man at the house. I dunno what he wants." "Son," the father told him, "if it's the landlord, he wants his rent. If it's the banker, he's come to foreclose the mortgage. And if it's a traveling salesman, you run home fast as your legs will carry you and sit in your maw's lap til I get there!"


Story 2:How To Sell Toothbrushes

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "

Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.

"$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!" Then I would say,

"It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"


Story 3:Hit Thumb

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.

His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"

"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears.

"That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"

"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

Story 4:Impure Thoughts

Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked.

The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."


Story 5:Side Pain


At Sunday school, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I am going to have a wife."

Story 6:Blunders

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses."
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Thats it for now....hope it made you laugh...